Have you ever wished there was a space where you could see the real experiences that other clients have had with your next/potential therapist rather than relying solely on unverified ‘glowing’ testimonials that therapists place on their own websites to help you decide whether they’re the ‘one’?
Shopping for a new therapist isn’t easy. You can do all the due diligence in the world: research, ask questions about their practice, their modality, how they view the therapeutic relationship etc… but you’re rarely going to get a therapist admit to their previous mistakes, difficulties, or lack of competence in the early days (although it would be really great if they did!!).
Not very many therapists open themselves to Google reviews (unsurprisingly!) as they have no control over what’s posted and it’s almost impossible to get a Google review removed. The thing is, you’d think on balance if these ‘professionals’ are even half of what they promote themselves to be online then their ratings would even out over time. The odd unfavourable review pitted against a stream (tsunami) of gushing five star ones wouldn’t be enough to paint a wholly negative picture would it?
There surely can’t be all that many of us out there that have been so harmed in therapy that we want to give our honest zero star reviews and warn other clients off can there?
I think we know the answer to this question 😆.
So, given that ‘Trust Pilot For Therapists’ doesn’t actually exist, we’re left with no option but to try and trust and put faith in what we see online. Most unwitting clients take therapists at face value from the glossy bios on the BACP website, or other therapy advertising page, or a therapist’s own personal website (cue soft lighting, benevolent smile, a nice cardigan, or some outdoor woodland scene) and the likelihood of us ever finding out what might have happened in the past that might be – how shall I put it? – less than optimal remains concealed in the shadows.
I think it’s tricky, too, when we do take steps to book a session and go and meet someone new because although we might get a ‘gut feeling’ about someone from the off it can take a while to get a sense of whether someone might be a good fit or not. This is especially the case if we’ve been hurt in therapy before. Our antennas are looking for it feeling ‘wrong’ but there’s also a part where we think we should override doubts because it’s probably our defences.
Meeting with Elle for first time was hard. I’d just come out the long-term therapeutic relationship with Anita and then done eight sessions with Hannah that crashed and burned. Therapy wasn’t ever going to feel safe and part of me hated Elle because she wasn’t Anita and she didn’t know me.
Still. We made it through to where we are now- almost two years in.
Last night I decided I’d write my own therapist reviews for some of the ex-therapists I’ve had and let my claws out – it was more Wolverine than cute kitty. Can’t see these ever making it onto their testimonial pages, can you?!!
Enjoy. 😉
P.S – If anyone feels like they’d like to write their own (positive or negative) and ping them into the comments, I’d love to see them! You’ve got to laugh otherwise you’d cry…and man, I’m all too familiar with the crying.
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EM:
As a highly trained and experienced clinical psychologist, I had high hopes for my therapy with Em. She said she specialised in trauma as well as many other of my presenting issues. It turned out that Em is frightened of entering into relationship with her clients and thinks that any move on the client’s part to try and discuss the therapeutic relationship or feelings that arise in the relationship is getting away from the therapy and is in fact ‘pushing the boundaries’. Em is unwilling to meet the client where they are at and operates from a one size fits all model (although she would call herself ‘integrative’). As a therapist, Em says that she is able to handle all the feelings a client might feel and welcomes them – only I wouldn’t recommend expressions of love or anger should you enter into therapy with her as these may trigger her into calling you an adhesive parasite as well as suggesting that you may secretly want to fuck her. If you have any feelings of compassion for those with mental health issues – she is not the therapist for you, as she believes that the majority of her NHS clients are ‘playing the system to get their PIP’ and if this isn’t enough to put you off- I found out much too late that she is a tory (as well as a class A cunt). 0/10
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ANITA:
Anita presents herself as an ‘ethical’ therapist who takes great care and pride in her work. This could not be further from the truth. She is, in fact, more damaged than the clients she professes to help. Indeed, she is the equivalent of an emotional wrecking ball. Her avoidant personality means she is unable to take accountability for her actions and behaves very much like an ostrich. Anita is neither emotionally intelligent or competent enough to be working as a therapist and it is laughable that she believes her services are worth £60 an hour. My advice would be take your money and set fire to it. It’ll do less damage to you in the long run. Don’t be fooled by her website and the extensive list of glowing testimonials. The truth of the matter is that Anita has left a trail of devastation in her wake and justifies her serious failings by repeatedly citing her ill health and ‘situation’. Her situation is of her own making, and her health has been steady enough to get married as well as sustain her counselling business. If you are seeking a therapist with integrity and honesty – Anita is not the therapist for you. Steer well clear. 0/10
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HANNAH:
Hannah is an inexperienced therapist who really should only focus on light work – she is certainly not equipped to deal with trauma. As with many therapists, her ego is far larger than her capability and she is prone to bite off more than she can chew. As much as suggestions of practising ‘yoga’ and going on a ‘retreat’ would maybe be welcome from a friend when sharing your struggles, it is hardly helpful advice from a therapist talking with a client who has been in therapy for many years who has a complex trauma history and recent trauma from therapy harm. This is straight out the playbook of CMHT suggesting a warm bath and cup of tea to people suffering suicidal ideation and self-harm. Chat GPT would dish out more helpful strategies than this at no cost and from the comfort of your own home and phone. Hannah does, however, have a nice set of colouring books and pens. 2/10 Give her five years and she might be worth a visit.
Rubber Bands and Chewing Gum 
Ella
As a paramedic with 28 years experience in addition to being a therapist should have meant Ella had all the skills needed to deal with the bloody mess that was myself and my past. I should have paid more attention to the flashing lights and sirens of her being unsafe. She might have had ALL THE TRAINING but offered a sticking plaster to a gaping wound, ran over me frequently adding more trauma, and drove away when the going got tough. And don’t dare smell nice, she prefers vomit and piss and alcoholic breath don’t ya know. Her listing offers Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, Inner Child Work and the Rewind Technique. What this means is she won’t accept your inner child and will rewind on any promises she made to do so. It’s a shame I can’t rewind to not paying her over £12,000. You may also notice she now has ambitions to be a sex therapist (since she loves fucking people over). I believe she really wants to be Jean Milburn (Gillian Anderson) from Sex Education. Babe, you ain’t her. She is competent and has much nicer hair.
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Do you know what? This hits so hard knowing all that you went through. It’s really ironic that a paramedic of all people basically did a hit and run on you. Sending you so much love 💗
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Jane is a well qualified therapist with a good knowledge of the theoretical side of therapy. She is a rule follower and scrupulous believer in treating every client exactly the same. No client will ever get preferential care or a treatment plan that is outside the box ensuring that no one can claim that she was unfair. Jane has a range of cardigans in all shades of black, a zoom background of stylish magnolia and an ability to keep a stiff upper lip in all circumstances. She’s a wonderful therapist for helping you through a minor crisis but will hunker down and panic if she feels she’s caused the upset. Will run away if she feels any attachment has been formed and pulls back when you show affection but is proud of her empathy and warmth. When ruptures occur she will run to her supervisor for support instead of helping you, the client. She’s got big hopes for a good therapeutic relationship but actually has so much fear and insecurity because her own life lacks a good support system.
A good fit for a 6 week short term block of sessions but inadequate for long term care. If you want an old fashioned “chin up” approach then Jane is for you. If you’re looking for a deep connection, a bit of imagination and sone work with transference and attachment then look elsewhere.
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Oh Jane 🥺. Credit to you sticking out for as long as you did…but we both know the damage that was done and the long road out of the mess you were left holding. I think that ‘minor crisis’ therapists ought to be really explicit about this – because dabbling in depth work when you have no depth is … well… dangerous. X
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Indeed. Dabbling in depth, without their own support system, confidence or experience is so so damaging. I don’t know if Jane makes a good cup of tea though. No cuppa teas in the therapy room (it’s the rules…we had lots of rules).
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On first impressions Sarah seems a bit too loud and breezy. She doesn’t use the therapist voice which can be a little off putting at first. But she’s genuinely warm, empathetic to the core and open to working in whatever way the client needs. Doesn’t shy away from attachment, gives hugs when needed, checks in regularly and makes an absolutely rubbish cup of tea. She listens and understands and welcomes you wherever you are and whatever you need. Sarah approaches each session with imagination, love and curiosity, I feel I can say anything to her without fear and judgement. I would trust her with my life and honestly love her. 11/10.
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We love Sarah 💕! Thank goodness for her. You deserve her warmth and care after the stone cold mess you left with Jane but shame about the shite cups of tea ☕️… maybe you could let her know how you like it. Mind you- tea is a very emotive topic, just like toast. X
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We do, we love her! And I’d rather a rubbish cup of tea with her than a decent cup with almost anyone else in the world.
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Do you know- I really get this. I’ve had some terrible coffees recently with Elle from the place round the corner and they’ve been more or less undrinkable but I’d rather that than have a lovely coffee with someone else. I think I’m going to switch to hot chocolate if my brain can stop fixating on my body for a bit 🥴
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Dang, we never asked our therapist for a cup of coffee/tea but now we wonder (we’ve been in tele-therapy) if we can ask to both drink coffee together. She loves coffee, and so do we.
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You can do whatever you like in your session! Have a burger if you’re hungry! 😂
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Hehe! We’ve sometimes eaten a sandwich on camera! That’s because we felt safe enough to eat some bread in-person when we kept forgetting to eat anything due to amnesia and overwhelm 💚.
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I’ve never understood the weird shit some therapists insist on about no food or drink in sessions. Elle and I have had all sorts of stuff- jellybeans, biscuits, and she even brought me my favourite type of cake when it was my birthday … which was lovely. Strange, it doesn’t detract from the therapy and sometimes you just need a coffee!!
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o
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Oops sorry , accidental ‘ o’ above! These are brilliant and on one level hilarious,on another utterly heartbreaking . i was shocked to learn Em was a psychologist, appalling!
Lin appears makes a good cup of tea, but has a tendency to lie about her qualifications and become friends with her clients, even going so far as to say she wants a sexual relationship with them….1/10 .
Cheryl seems ‘ nice ‘ but lies about her experience ( ‘ loads’ of experience with cptsd actually turned out to be two years as a counsellor ). Tendancy to dump her problems on clients, quit jobs and run away when the shit hit the fan…or and talks about wanting to ‘ attack ‘ a client. -1/10
…..
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Oh Lordy. Just … wow. Suppose at least Lin made a decent cup of tea. 😔 What a mess. The hard thing is the level of devastation that’s left behind – like I just feel like I’ve spent years trying to dig my way out a hole with a trowel and then these fuckers bring in a JCB and bury us alive and fuck off xx
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Oh dear…if I wanted a good cuppa tea I’d go to Starbucks. But as far as I know they don’t do decent therapy…actually after reading these testimonials, I think Stsrbucks would do a better job. Cheaper and less damaging.
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Yeah and they’d probably throw in a nice piece of cake! 🥴
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Alison says she specialises in complex trauma and has a price point to match. Encourages text and email communication out of session time and talks about creating a safe and supportive relationship that is ‘real’.
Alison enjoys dragging your young and vulnerable parts out and offering them the love they crave, cuddles, stories, being wrapped in blankets. Ringing from holiday, going to other appointments with you. Alison is that loving safe and supportive parent you never had.
Unfortunately Alison gets bored of said young parts when they STILL don’t trust her fully after an an unknown and unspecified period of time and goes cold and dismissive. Alison decides to unceremoniously dump you as a client after 3 times a week contact with no closure or ongoing referral…via text… saying that unfortunately the complex trauma client is, yeah, too complex. After much distress Alison will possibly see you for 10 minutes to sit over the other side of the room and coldly stare at you as your world is falling apart saying she won’t change her mind.
Alas, Alison has clearly not learnt that complex trauma is indeed complex as she continues to practice and her website proudly boasts how wonderful she is as deep attachment work.
Alison would be better as a retreat therapist where you only have to deal with clients for a few days before they fly off back to the other side of the world.
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Love these! The WP gremlins ate my comment so trying a take two!
Alison:
Alison says she specialises in complex trauma and has a price point to match. Encourages text and email communication out of session time and talks about creating a safe and supportive relationship that is ‘real’.
Alison enjoys dragging your young and vulnerable parts out and offering them the love they crave, cuddles, stories, being wrapped in blankets. Ringing from holiday, going to other appointments with you. Alison is that loving safe and supportive parent you never had.
Unfortunately Alison gets bored of said young parts when they STILL don’t trust her fully after an an unknown and unspecified period of time and goes cold and dismissive. Alison decides to unceremoniously dump you as a client after 3 times a week contact with no closure or ongoing referral…via text… saying that unfortunately the complex trauma client is, yeah, too complex. After much distress Alison will possibly see you for 10 minutes to sit over the other side of the room and coldly stare at you as your world is falling apart saying she won’t change her mind.
Alas, Alison has clearly not learnt that complex trauma is indeed complex as she continues to practice and her website proudly boasts how wonderful she is as deep attachment work.
Alison would be better as a retreat therapist where you only have to deal with clients for a few days before they fly off back to the other side of the world.
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I’ve ‘liked’ this… but only to show support, because my god this is horrible and I really just want to give you an enormous hug. I am so so soooo sorry that this happened to you. I mean, I feel like our journeys almost mirror each other and so I really get how fucking awful this is. The bit about getting frustrated and cold when parts still don’t trust was exactly what Em was like, and the ass covering final meeting. But actually, I think I always knew she didn’t really like me very much. It hurts all the worse when someone like Alison/Anita does what they did…and it is so very confusing to the little parts. Although I guess on a level familiar. We know what it is to be discarded and so for that pattern to repeat with someone who swears blind that they won’t…well…it’s heartbreaking and retraumatising. Sending you heaps of love. x
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Sending safe hugs if you need them Laura. I had an Alison too. They leave destruction in their wake. This was never your fault or being too complex.
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Awesome! 😂🤣
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