Why does physical illness always go hand in hand with a mental health crash?

rubberbandsandchewinggum

I wrote this in 2017 – scarily it’s pretty much how I feel now.  Physical illness REALLY impacts my mental health. I’m an attachment pained mess again…and after all the progress of the last month I feel so disappointed with myself. I have been a snotty, moaning wreck these last few days and now am back in the horrible dreamscape area. Ugh. Therapy dreams are the worst! As a result of all this inner turmoil I’ve basically turned into a depressed mess and feel like I want to self-harm (haven’t self-harmed since January last year btw!) It’s just not even funny that I find myself here. I am too tired to write so am re-blogging this as it’s actually pretty much where I am at!!

Sigh!

Rubber Bands and Chewing Gum

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Look, I apologise in advance for this. It’s basically an, ‘I’m really poorly, am feeling sorry for myself, and I really miss my therapist’ ramble written from under the duvet, on a Friday night, whilst my wife is out at a gig that I am too ill to go to.

My immune system is beyond crap. My blood levels have never fully recovered despite it being nearly two years since I completed my last round of chemo. As a result of depleted lymphocytes, my infection fighting capacity is pretty non-existent. The doctors had hoped that things would’ve improved by now, but unfortunately my body is stubborn and has decided it would rather pick up and fight every bug that is going! I’ve been ill for almost two weeks now with the exhausting cold, cough, chest infection, no voice thing that’s doing the rounds. I’m so so bored of it. I just…

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12 thoughts on “Why does physical illness always go hand in hand with a mental health crash?”

  1. behindapaintedsmile30 January 20, 2019 / 1:46 pm

    I’m sorry lovely. The ‘I need my mum’ instinct always seems to kick in when I am ill too. Are you going to change your work contract to request that people cancel sessions if they are ill? You can’t avoid catching things from your kids, but students can be avoided! T is not far away even though she may seem it as every minute probably feels like a day. Sending love – and vitamin C. x

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    • rubberbandsandchewinggum January 20, 2019 / 1:50 pm

      Thanks lovely. I’m so utterly miserable it’s ridiculous. I feel ugh but it’s the attachment stuff going haywire that’s totally killing me. I can’t contain it and feel desperately sad. I want it to be tomorrow but at the same time am dreading the week ahead ☹️. Hope you’re holding up ok x

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  2. kaybits January 20, 2019 / 4:02 pm

    This will pass and I am so sorry you are going through this. Congratulations on not self harming. I hope its still true. ❤

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    • rubberbandsandchewinggum January 20, 2019 / 5:59 pm

      Thanks. Yes. It’s still true. Realised, actually, it’s two years since I self-harmed…although did have a horrid spell of not eating last April so that’s not exactly ‘self-care’! 😬

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      • kaybits January 20, 2019 / 7:38 pm

        Its okay, its part of the journey. 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

  3. DV January 20, 2019 / 7:25 pm

    Hope you feel better soon 💐🍇

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  5. Sirena January 21, 2019 / 8:26 am

    I love you. You are safe and you’ll see therapist lady soon. Deep breaths dolly XX ❤️

    Liked by 1 person

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    • rubberbandsandchewinggum January 21, 2019 / 8:29 am

      Thanks lovely. I’m back in my bed after my shower avoiding at the moment 😕. Can’t face my day. Ffs. I will get there … I think! 😘

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      • Sirena January 21, 2019 / 8:33 am

        One step at a time. That’s all.

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